The Heart Gone Cold - Hers

There I was again. Just minutes ago, playing a staring game with the computer screen in which, always, I face defeat. 

You.

You clouded my mind. And, paining me while rearranging the webbing thoughts of you, the scenarios and the must be resolution or - must i say? - conclusion to whatever this situation we have right now. They were too many. Too many to get  my consciousness diverted from the reality that I must be seizing.

I loved you. 

I love hard and I love deep. A gift, or should I say, a curse. I get clingy, possessive and paranoid over small things relating to situations with the one I love. I could throw my future away; which I did in my past and one of the hardest lessons I have learned. I could let Love turn my world upside down. I am the most vulnerable human being there is, when I am in love. And, all of these scared me.

I caused you pain.

The fear overwhelmed me. The paranoia have eaten me whole that a day without hearing from you was an excuse for me to be somewhere; hurting both of us. The distance was a torture. I was not used to it. I am still not used to it. And, I do not want to get used to it. You know how I love to get lost in your embrace and cuddle on that secure feeling you unknowingly gave me. I was painstakingly missing them that I kept on diverting my attention to whatever appropriate pleasure before me. Until that day.

I needed space.