Tuesday, November 24, 2015

I Wanted To Cry

i wanted to cry
but tears were somewhere but my eyes
i reached deep down for a push of emotions to surface
but to no avail

i wanted to cry
not just to clean my eyes
nor that for i was hurt or in pain
i was not

i wanted to cry
for they say a tear makes you feel light
for it heaves out whatever is weighing you down
whatever, vague. what are these whatever, really?

i wanted to cry
to feel human, perhaps?
for i was called cold-hearted, emotionless, logical
the list goes on but nah, lame.

i wanted to cry
that silent cry which could rip your throat out from suppression so no one could hear
that silent cry that tires the insides and burns the eyes
that silent and draining cry that makes you still feel crying afterwards 

i wanted to cry
but stopped and thought, what for?
again, i dug in for reasons that could justify the cravings for tears
still, to no avail

i wanted to cry
and you came across my mind
and i smiled

crap! even you.
even you, haven't given me reasons to.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Of Moon's Pull Off Me

Oftentimes, while on the way home,
my neck would do some to and fro sideways exercise from front to left.
Yes, as the setting sun brilliantly boasts his magnificence
across the horizon from my left,
I just couldn't refrain myself from looking over.
My eyes would stay still for sometime,
trying to drink in its wonder,
its striking hue of yellow, orange and red
until buildings and passing vehicles block my view.
And with the ever vigilant peripherals,
I would excitedly wait for a chance of another clear sighting.

However, yesterday was a different story.
While waiting for the endless vehicles passing by to come to an end,
I got tired and shifted my attention to my right.
Looked up and there it was, the almost-full moon.
Still and silently waiting its time
to outshine the remnant light of the setting sun.
It was white and bluish-gray, almost transparent to the vast sky.
It was beautiful.

Its beauty made the tide in me rise.
Then came the rush of memories flooding my mind.
And them beautiful, too.

What Really Was It That Made My Heart Panicked?

woken up from a weird dream.
my heart was pounding and my lungs were trying to catch air.
i was breathing heavily.
i reached for my phone to check the time, 02:09;
my usual waking hour at dawn.

i messaged a friend whom I wasn't able to reply before sleeping
and was told to get up, put some make up on,
shake up and to not leave the keys on the table.
i'd rather get back to sleep than make the effort of going out.

the scenes were so vivid then.
i can still remember how i blew air on the pad of my thumb
to settle my disturbed heartbeat
and how i told myself to not forget
the sequence of the scenarios
for I will write about it the soonest am fully awake.

and now here i am, trying to recall everything
but all i could muster were the vague settings;
came from a job interview,
chatted with friends on a boardwalk and the waters;
the vast body of water which i forgot
if i was in it swimming, floating or drowning.

What really was it that made my heart panicked?