Wednesday, October 29, 2014


My usual morning includes untangling the earphones from its frequent labyrinth state, readying to plug it in my cell phone as I get outside our apartment, strutting my way to the ever silent corridor with my shoe heels tapping on the stillness of its floor, going to the lift and down to the building ground. When I got inside the lift, I saw a word doodled in red crayon just below the elevator mirror which says 'secret'. I thought it was made by kids since I often stumbled with them playing hide and seek in the building or soccer in the car park.

The word brought me to a scene with my colleague while in the car going home. He was fidgety prior us getting into the car and was in deep thought for the first time ever. I asked if he has a problem or was there a thing bothering him. Yet his response was idiomatic, telling about discovering a situation was giving him a stomach ache. I did not get what he was trying to tell me so I asked him further. He preferred not to go into details but had explained what lie behind the idiom. He had accidentally discovered something but couldn't tell anyone about it that's why his insides were in turmoil.

Of course, the situation he was saying got me intrigued. I got nosy as ever that I kept on pushing the words out of him but to no avail. I was just told that with respect to the involved, he will only divulge the matter to his wife; who is out of the country. Since I had already exhausted my uber enticing charms to convince him that I could definitely keep a secret, I surrendered and lingered on the thought of an instance I remembered I read somewhere.

If my memory serves me right, it was about people who cannot keep secrets to themselves. Secrets are burden to them. They welcome every secret and enjoy the regard that they are being trusted yet after the instilment, they just have to share it also with their trusted one/s otherwise their entire being would explode. It was said, when they shared the secret to another person, they are being lifted from the burden of keeping it. And that the burden has been passed on to the new recipient, which is probably the case of my colleague.

In my case, I definitely do not belong under the category of the people mentioned above, for I surely could keep secrets. They actually rot inside me that even the teller has to remind me about it when it has to resurface, in time. So, want to tell me your secrets? Got lots of closets to keep them :)

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

We Kissed

Tuesday, 5.45AM
It was not my usual waking hour but I needed to get up since I have slept for almost 12 hours already. I was feeling so lazy; like I did a hard labor, the last day that I rummaged my bed the soonest I got home without even changing my office wear to my usual home clothes, a tank top and a comfy pair of shorts.

I went straight to the shower. I haven't done my night regimen so I was feeling eeky and needed to stay longer inside. Along with the warm splash of water on my body was also the swarming of the most recent fragments of memory in my mind.

He, holding and kissing my hand while driving; maneuvering the steer and changing gear - he did not let go, even awhile. Me, resting the  other arm on his back shoulder with my stirring hand playing on his nape and ear. We were driving around, enjoying the presence of each other, savoring the delightful feeling it was giving us. Simple yet intimate gestures. One of the wonderful moments I could not ever forget.

The road wasn't so busy. The city lights were still. The ride was silent. But the pleasure of the situation was one of the loudest murmurs that my heart had ever conceived. I made no haste. I desired more than the feels that our hands were giving us. I reached out to kiss him. I kissed him. He kissed me. We kissed.

Then my alarm went off. That irritating feeling you get when you are in your dream/deep sleep state then you hear that annoying sound religiously wanting to wake you up. It was 5.30AM already. I was tempted to press the snooze button but I needed to get up. I have so much to prepare for the day so I released myself from the warm embrace of my blanket.

A dream. So it was just a dream. A kind-of-naughty dream. But, it felt so d*mn real, IN MY DREAM.

Monday, October 27, 2014

I Never Saw It Coming: A Belated Birthday Surprise

The usual thing I do on my birthday is going to places I have not been yet. And this year, I am so thankful I was able to do it despite being alienated geographically. I had a great time on my birthday. I did things that I only hoped of doing for the first time and I had so much fun to consider doing the same things again.

Like any other birthday celebrator, I also had a birthday wish; a G-Shock Aviation GA1000-8A. That love at first sight thing is very real and I am definitely a living testimony for feeling that with G-Shock Aviation. I even joked my mom about it telling that I wanted nothing but that watch on my birthday. To my surprise, a week before my birthday, she called up asking details for she was about to send me money so I could buy it. I find it so thoughtful of my mom of course yet I just couldn't take the money so I just told her that she could keep it since I already had bought something for myself.

I gifted myself a gold necklace with floating tiny diamonds in its heart framed pendant. I was contented with it and I am feeling a kind of romantic whenever I wear it (ha!).

But still, the thought of G-Shock Aviation had never left my mind. Its sturdiness, masculinity and dominance was like haunting me every time I wear a watch, EVERY DAY.

A week after my birthday, a friend of mine called up wanting to meet him at our office building door. Never had I expected anything but I know he was up to something since it was so unlikely of him to appear at my work place at that early time of day. When he arrived, I came down to meet him. He handed me a small parcel and quickly left for he still had to go to work.

And, Tadaaaaaa!

My biggest crush ever, my love at first sight was delightfully waiting for my awe to be washed from me. I just can't contain how I was feeling seeing it. I was joyously charmed. I was speechless.

I still couldn't figure out what have I done to deserve this but I am somehow digging the fact that - maybe, or no doubt -  I am a very good friend (insert evil grin). I honestly have a bleak imagination of my life here without him. Surely, I still would be enjoying but probably unlike how pleased I was from the first time I met him until today. I am fortunate for having a friend like him  and that is definitely one of the many things I am thankful of.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Screams Of The Heart and Mind

why do we allow ourselves to get blinded by the haze of life? cant we just look straight into the reality that is staring directly at us?

it's here. it's now. the spur of the moment is overwhelming. it's screaming even in silence. it's behind every spoken word.

folly is engulfing us. the yearning is clouding our skies, shadowing the rationality that's left of us. should we succumb?

should we listen to the rants of our enticed hearts? or on to live with haze yet intact in our cocoon of chaotic minds and screaming hearts?

A Change Of Heart

it was like me treated as a child, faced to the wall and endured a lifeless facade before me. shut out from the world i unceasingly loved living.

i waited. waited for you to realize i suffered enough. too bad, enough for me is a third yet compared to yours. the agony was prolonged, until one day..

you had me turned around with your warmest smile. i smiled back. you welcomed me with your eyes glistening with tears of joy. yet..

the unbearable anticipation of your hurried forgiveness made me cold. i smiled back with the thought that i was glad having me back, to you..

but, it took you so long. time changes people, indeed. and, people change people. time and you changed me. so much that i already forgot what our world was like.

i loved you for i was hurting. i missed you for your thoughts lingered with me wherever i have gone. but now, i hate the fact that someone whom i have regarded the most means nothing to me anymore.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Heart Gone Cold - His


There were those days when I adored you. You were my world, the one I thought of in the first day light and the one I dozed off with the beautiful memories and weaved wonderful dreams for the future. Yet, most days have disheartened you. Mean of me enough to ignore and treat you like you do not exist. I got tired of what I was doing. I was only available if I wanted to and showered you sweet talks; sugar coating the lies behind the communication dip, whenever I felt I needed to talk to you or feeling so into you, again. But, I cannot be still with such roller coaster ride of emotions anymore. I needed to step back. 

You loved me.

You needed me not to explain everything but surely you dread to know though you were hurting. You endured my inconsistency and gave in to my whims. You were that patient I never knew still lives. You were always there, waiting. You trusted me, believed in me, bought my tell tales, laughed with my silliness and adored my quirks. You were fond of me. You were fascinated by me. You were in love. You were in love with a selfish woman, Me.

You caused me pain.

The decision I have came up with had taken you aback. Reality might have washed over you and saw things clearly. You somehow managed to handle it well and got me just right. I thought. You succumb to whatever I wanted despite the terseness of the situation laid on your part. I was at peace and you were too, as I believed so. Never had I saw the angst coming from your end. I was shocked. I could not even to the scenario you brought me regardless of my waking mind. I was appalled at how could you, a gentle and loving lad, be the person whom I struggled to recognize. You shut your world from me.

The fear from falling deeply into the abyss of wicked emotion has caused you pain. The wrath of a broken heart from cowardice has caused me pain.

We loved each other. We caused each other pain. And the fact that the Love we once felt and believed was not able to deluge the pain that shadowed our once entranced hearts, is as disheartening it would ever be.  

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Heart Gone Cold - Hers

There I was again. Just minutes ago, playing a staring game with the computer screen in which, always, I face defeat. 


You clouded my mind. And, paining me while rearranging the webbing thoughts of you, the scenarios and the must be resolution or - must i say? - conclusion to whatever this situation we have right now. They were too many. Too many to get  my consciousness diverted from the reality that I must be seizing.

I loved you. 

I love hard and I love deep. A gift, or should I say, a curse. I get clingy, possessive and paranoid over small things relating to situations with the one I love. I could throw my future away; which I did in my past and one of the hardest lessons I have learned. I could let Love turn my world upside down. I am the most vulnerable human being there is, when I am in love. And, all of these scared me.

I caused you pain.

The fear overwhelmed me. The paranoia have eaten me whole that a day without hearing from you was an excuse for me to be somewhere; hurting both of us. The distance was a torture. I was not used to it. I am still not used to it. And, I do not want to get used to it. You know how I love to get lost in your embrace and cuddle on that secure feeling you unknowingly gave me. I was painstakingly missing them that I kept on diverting my attention to whatever appropriate pleasure before me. Until that day.

I needed space.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Wondering Wanderer: Unleashed [Post Birthday Adventure - Fujairah, UAE]

First Off.

 coffee shop

Yes, it was Hot and I was with someone Hot
(nah 'tis just my way of thanks)
but still I need something Hot!
My favorite delight - brewed coffee!
Plus, I belong! Black and Red colors really appeal to my interest,
my heart skipped a beat seeing Grano Cafe's red and black couches.

road trip

Off to the road, we go!


And who wouldn't fall in love with my backdrop?

To someone who had shut the door for months,
left me hanging with the thoughts
that haven't left even a day off my mind.
Yes, I was thinking about you.
This very moment.
So wanting to write you down
to somehow appease the churning insides.
The Heart Gone Cold.
Yes, it was you.

♫ Let's go to the beach (beach) let's go get away ♫♪
Upon hopping inside the car, I was asked
'where are your extra clothes?'
'what clothes?'
So, this is why..
Fujairah is known for having a long stretch of shoreline,
fishing, snorkeling, diving and any other water adventures.

Obstacles are of different forms.
They may try to hide the light from you,
But know in your heart where to look for it.

I. See. You.

Having someone who looks after you at a distant,
is like being taken cared of without feeling the presence.

I really could use some smoooooch right now!

Err, it's a bit far but that which at my palm
is the statue-like of the Seven (7) Elders or Rulers of
the Seven (7) Emirates of the United Arab Emirates

Sometimes, you need not to be mindful of anything.
Just do your thing, and do it good.

Did I just nail the Look Up Pose? HAHA
The inside (above photo) and outside (below photo)
view of the one of the defense pillar
of Al Bidya Mosque.

Dear Fujairah,
Am so not done with you yet.
So, see you soon!


Saturday, October 18, 2014

Once Upon a Birthday!

October 15, 2014 Around 10PM
I slept right after I got home from work and woke up feeling lazy. It was like I felt too tired to move. I have not cooked my dinner yet, and I was famishing so I decided to just go somewhere to eat. While changing from work clothes to a tank top and sweatpants, I was torn between going solo or calling a friend to chat the laziness away while devouring my dinner, yet I decided to go solo.

I was craving for fries, so I ditched any healthy meal that was in my mind before going down the building since surely I couldn't finish off any food on the plate (where is my appetite?!). Good thing, McDonalds (ooops, free endorsement!) is just two-three minutes taxi/bus ride from my place. So, there I went. While going to the bus stop, I searched for my bus card, but it was left in my bag as well as my cellphone. Again, I was torn between going back to get the card and the cellphone or just ride a taxi and unplug myself from anything and anyone from my phone and, I did the latter.

October 16, 2014 Around 12:01AM
I greeted my self the loudest 'happy birthday' greeting ever, yet only in my mind. I had fun nibbling and playing with ketchup and fries, sipping and staring at the red stash from my lips on my coffee lid, smiling to whoever comes to my visual peripheral, switching and crossing legs from one another whenever I was already feeling slight cramps, and people watching; thinking what and how would they react if they knew that it was my birthday. Sure thing they will greet me, that is expected though but just how they're faces would change from bland to a sweet curve of a smile with the greetings. But of course, still being me, I did not do anything for I was already contented with the festive birthday shouts to me from me; of course, only in my mind.

A birthday greetings from Google. Aye!
October 16, 2014 Around 3PM
I was in a hurry prepping up to go to Desert Safari. Again, I went solo. During reservation, I was asked by the lady if I am okay going alone. Of course it was okay. I mean, it has been on my To Do List, backpacking solo; to be somewhere for the first time and no one familiar around. But, I don't know if I am going to check it off or not since it was just a short visit. Anyhow, on the ride going to the desert, I was with an Indian family in the car; a mom, a sister and a young brother, who were in a short holiday trip. The mom was telling me their whereabouts and asking me about directions, the sister expressed her wanting to stay and live with me and the young brother chatted his heart out about football stadiums which I didn't know and never been, yet.

The first activity was sand duning. I had so much fun and glad I sat in front. It was so amazing, I mean how could these drivers so good playing with the soft desert sand? It was the best! I surely would love to go again and again and again if I get the chance.

Actually, when I was taking pictures with my sandals, the sand and the sun (left photo), one of the drivers of 4x4 approached and asked me how was the ride. I told him that it was great and I would really love it more if I was the one driving. Then, he said, we could arrange for that, with a wink. I cringed to the thought and just said HaHa then off I joined with my foster family.

camel ride

The next activity was the camel ride. The ride is free but you have to pay for the photos taken from their camera while enjoying the ride. I did not get ours since Auntie took snaps from my cellphone and they didn't want to get theirs either. LOL. I also enjoyed this ride for you got to hold firmly on the handle else you will fall face first to the neck of the camel when it stands up or sits down.

Then the photo op with the Falcon. With this, you have to pay AED10. I didn't have money in my pocket so my foster Mom paid it for me, as her birthday  gift ^_^.

"Falcon is the national bird of UAE and is a symbol of force and courage, recognizing the importance of falconry in Arab tradition and culture. The falcon species has always been regarded as a very uncommon and shy bird, and it is very rarely met with by amateur birdwatchers (Ali 1968). Arabs constitute 1/3rd part of the world’s falconers. Falcons are fast flying hunters suited for taking prey in the air. In this pesticide era they are facing serious ecological risks, as their position is at the top of the biological pyramids.
Falcons are strong, fast fliers with great aerial agility. They seldom soar in the manner of hawks. The peregrine has been clocked at 290 km/h (180 mph) in a stoop, or dive. This speed and agility make falcons successful hunters of birds, reptiles, and small mammals. A number of species, however, are insectivorous or eaters of carrion. Although falcons strike or grasp their prey with their sharp claws, they generally kill the captured prey with their beaks. The short-winged hawks kill with their claws." ~

Then there was Henna Painting but I did not go for it. I was told that the color will take two to three weeks to dissipate, so I passed.

And, the foooood! For starters, we had Sabosa/Samosa (am not sure LOL), jala..something. I soo forgot the name but it was like a fish ball dipped in sweet sauce. I like it though but not as much as Kevin did. Anyway, that pretty girl in upper right photo is Hash - she actually has a long name that I can barely pronounce so I just stick with Hash. She was somehow surprised that the couple who have joined us in the table for dinner were not married yet already travelling together. Yeah. They have different take about the issue and she was telling her mom she would want to do it with her future fiance but her mom had gone ballistic on the idea. And, I was like caught in the mother-daughter petty fight about love. Gracious! hahaha. And Kevin, this bubbly/chatty and very energetic-geeky boy is Hash's younger brother. He could definitely make the family loud with his own adventures. And, Mom was chatty as well. Too bad, it's just now I realized I don't have photo with her. This family is fun to be with. Also, they brought homemade food which they let me taste in which after a bite, I just wanted to throw or hide its remaining somewhere but they were looking at me waiting for my reaction. Yet, I somehow managed to say it was good. It was good, really, but I am not a fan of spicy food, so just not my cup of tea.

While having our starters, we were entertained by a fire dancer. I don't have clear shots of him but he sure was hot, with fire. LOL. He was good. But I have seen fire dancers before who did more exhibitions than he did, so am not that impressed anymore.

And the DINNER! They served food from diverse cuisines. I almost had a little of everything and that time I was seriously wishing that my appetite would be the same as of that night.

While enjoying dinner, TITO, amazed us by spinning around without feeling dizzy; for like 4-5 minutes I think, while taking off his colorful and lighted up clothes one by one until he was nearly naked, just kidding, until those voluminous skirts was taken off but still he's got clothes so wet with sweat.

And lastly, the Belly Dancing. I can't believe I missed a snap of her! Or, maybe because I have already seen a lot of belly dancers who are just so good that you can hardly take your eyes off their so soft bellies moving with rhythm like they have no bones. Yet, still clap clap for she was still better than me! hahaha

Oh, before moving out, I met a colleague who  invited me to join with them in the car going back to the city. Bummer. It should be no one familiar, right? Nevertheless, I refused and rather went with my foster family. Too good I went alone. If I had done it with a friend, sure thing I wont be able to meet this awesome family which had taught, surprised and amazed me with a lot of things!

Yes, it was my birthday and I was so thankful that I was able to enjoy and experience amazing things that this life offers. Cheers to Life!.