Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Retreat Yourself From The Wearing Pursuit - OVER COFFEE

My ever favorite - Americano Coffee
@ Oregano Restaurant 

Americano Coffee
coffee thoughts

Wanting something so much may fuel yourself to achieving it. Your positivity and determination will surely flourish and will be able to convince the universe to help you obtain it. However, not all you want is good for you. And, not all you want is meant for you. There can be times when you have to stop wanting it, stop the chase, retreat yourself from the wearing pursuit and push the could-have-beens out of your system, that has been making things obscure from the reality for already a while. Why? For you know deep down that you are better off without it.

Waited The Whole Night For The Sun's Kiss - OVER COFFEE

My ever favorite - Americano Coffee
@ Classic Rock Cafe
Americano Coffee
coffee thoughts

I am paining to write. That even under shower, thoughts came flooding in, resurfacing and consuming a lot of my attention which supposedly be spent on cleaning myself. That every time I get to see the gloomy sky - waiting the whole night for the sun's kiss - from our building terrace, my mind aches from the clouds of emotions that are wedged aside. The need for them to be put down into pages are empowering yet something is holding me back. Something that I am so familiar with. No. It is something that I know of, from the bottom of my heart. 

Lost In Confusing, Senseless, Fragmented Thoughts - OVER COFFEE

My ever favorite - Americano Coffee
@ Tim Hortons 
Americano Coffee
coffee thoughts

I want to write. Of what about, that I don't know. My mind has been through a lot of things these days that I am so eager to pen them out my head and yet I can't even find the will to do it. Or, I might somewhat need to be switched up but do not know where that damn switch is. I have been burying myself into a book that every time I come across with catchphrases, an inspiring line or even just a word that sent stings into my heart, I thought of writing down about them. But the very moment I start to tap for keys to form words, sentences, paragraphs, to a piece that makes sense of out confusing, senseless, fragmented thoughts, I lost it.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Realization: I'll Try To Be That Peron To You

Last night was actually one of those nights wherein I would rather stay late anywhere but home. No, I can't call it a home. As they always say, home is where the heart is. It does not have my heart and I could not even convince my brain to try staying for a while and maybe eventually things will get better as hours pass by.

I got fidgety the moment I stepped inside. My feet were like dragging me outside to conceal myself from the swarming hostility that was within, trying to engulf and drain all the positivity from me.

This early morning, as I was checking my bookmark of blogs that I wasn't able to finish reading yesterday, I stumbled into the following lines:

"You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living, breathing screaming invitation to believe better things."

By Jamie Tworkowski, a musician, a writer and the founder of To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA). A non-profit organization, a support group that gives hope to struggling individuals who have strong grips on drugs, battle with depression, self-affliction and suicide.

My thoughts lingered on such verse. I surely need other people. In fact, I badly needed one last night to somehow be my escape from a dilemma that my heart and brain was dreading to handle.

Fortunately, I have a friend who is ever kind to give me time, comfort and save me oftentimes from situations as such. I could not just agree more that we need other people. Those, who could definitely bring you to a place which can put your heart and mind at its most calming state. Those, who could let you see the other side of life, a beautiful scenery that surely sets your breathing at ease. Those, who could let you feel pure joy regardless of the abounding turmoil.

Again, we need other people. I came to realize that you might be, for some reasons, tired of something. That the flame in your heart might have been blown off by certain circumstances and caused your indifference. That you might also need someone whom you could see the gleaming beams of sunshine to out shadow the gloomy state you are into.

Could I be that someone to you? I wish I could. I could at least try though. But, I think I have to have my fill of bursting sunshine in me yet to be able to share enough to you.

You Gave Me Butterflies And A Bubble

It was all butterflies in my stomach moment that very first time I met you. I was tickled pink and you literally caused me to bubble. Yes, bubbling in the sense that there was a little bubble; like it was squirted out, in between my two front teeth, while babbling our minds off with hello's and how are you's up to the very recent escapade we have been into.

How did that happen? Well, I don't know for all I could remember was that I was all smiles. I might have had caught a bit of air while sweet talking to you and got it suffocated within tiny amounts of my spittle. I am still embarrassed with the thought though but seeing you, having to shake your hand and the chance to chat with you were overwhelming enough let alone the embarrassment aside.

Truth be told, I fall easily. I fall heart first into anyone or just anything that appeals to my interest. I fall like a thousand times in a month. And, when I have fallen, I dwell for quite some time and then bounce back when a certain fall does not feel or seem right.

I was joyfully elated that time. That was your effect on me. And, the thought of meeting you again made me giddy for the weekend to come. I caught whatever that feeling was called and loved it, that time.     

Friday, November 21, 2014

I Miss Your Voice

That voice when you told me stories while I was at your back listening, embracing you.

That voice when you whispered me sweet-nothings while snuggling and planting kisses on my cheeks.

That voice, that cadence that got me giddy and sent me to hysteric laughs every time I leave you breathless, yet still wanted to sweet talk.

That voice when you said you missed me and how the day was paining you of being not able to see me.

That voice when you comforted me in those moments when tears ran down my pillow.

That voice when you - after clearing your throat - gave emphasis to the gravity of those matters that I just often brushed off.

That voice when you refused my Goodbye but settled with Until Then.

I miss that voice. Your voice.

Monday, November 17, 2014


That feeling of wanting to be closed to each other all the time, we felt that. We gave in to that. For a while.

Until one morning when I felt otherwise.

You reached out but I was nowhere. I did not want to be anywhere, with you, anymore.

Such a sudden drift that even I, myself wasn't able to figure out why.

Monday, November 10, 2014


My best friend spoke of you. The way you smile, you got her melting.  
That smile. The kind of smile which had melted most of the girls hearts.
You almost got mine. But I was too busy enjoying somebody's smile then.
I didn't mind knowing you, personally. And I didn't care either.
But I got a hunch that we'll bump into each other,  one day.

And we did. We were introduced. So, yeah. That smile.
You flashed that unnerving smile over  my arrogance.
You did it. You got me. I know then what were they saying.
Most of the girls, swooned over you. They were just into you.
Then the little devil in me resurfaced. A challenge was birthed.

Took your digits from a friend and anonymously sent you flirty texts.
You weren't hard to get. You texted back, in flirty ways likewise.
We entertained each other. Me, being anonymous, and you being you.
I was being blunt with opinions unknowing that you had an idea who you were flirting with.
Days gone by and we were still doing the same.

We run into each other at parties or at just any casual events with our common friends.
I feigned ignorance about what was happening with us in our digital world.
And, you did the same. But, you weren't able to hold it longer.
You confronted me. You wanted the truth.
A confirmation of the identity along with the bits of emotions disclosed.

I wanted the ground to eat me whole that very moment.
But my haughtiness was overwhelming so I admitted, facilely.
I felt like everything came to light. No more shenanigans.
You fell, and I liked you. And we both agreed to jump into the wagon.
Hearts first.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

I Dreamed Of You

I dreamed about you. Is definitely an attention grabbing line.

Basically, not everyone wants to hear what we dreamed about. However, if you tell them that they were in your dreams, their interest to hearing everything will definitely be skyrocketing!

Actually, I just read this somewhere and decided to try it on a friend, and it did work. Haha. If you badly want to share your dream and your friends seem not interested, try this out but of course you got to squeeze them in to your dream. In short, you got to fake a story without making a big difference from what really happened in your dream.

I dreamed of different persons; who were special to me way back and the one who still is, along with my Dad.

Mine is a true story. And, I do not intend - even in the future - to use such line just to catch any one's attention.

For days, I have been bubbling and blabbing my heart and mind out to the newest platform my friend had introduced me. I loved it there that I went personal. However, I sort of decided that if I wanted to share just about anything, I want it done in my own space. I need no likes, no comments or anyone devaluing my thoughts and opinions. It is not that anyone has done to me the latter but let alone such platform along with other social media avenues out there.

Going back, in such platform, I have shared how I miss visiting our departed loved ones with the whole family during All Saints/Souls Day, especially my dad.

I lost my dad to cancer and I terribly miss him that until now I still got lots of what ifs. Every time I have accomplished something, he is the first in my thoughts. When I get so down, he comes in my mind. And when I did something not-so-good for an extended amount of time, he will definitely make himself present in my dream.

I am a bit mischievous lately, I forgot when it started but I know it will take awhile for as long as I still like it. Of course, my ever protective Daddy never failed to remind me, as always like before. He was in my dream, and I know why.      

Saturday, November 8, 2014


This morning, as I was arranging files, spraying scented-antiseptics and basically just doing my ritual before getting lost in the web, our office got filled with persons in charge from all departments our company has. They were talking about the vehicles that are still in the workshop and that there are coming and if they have to transfer or just bring the new ones to one of our office branches. That, was the only thing I understand from their foreign tongue. And, they were a bit loud, they actually overwhelmed the danceable sound from my playlist so I gave up and decided to get out for a while.

I went to the pantry to make myself a cup of coffee and I realized I ran out of Nescafe 3n1 Strong. I looked for the office boy to get me a bag from the grocery center that is just near our building and I remembered I already sent him out to buy us new sponge. I was not in the mood for a rich black cup of joe but still had it since I got no choice.

So, I was obliviously stirring my coffee on my way back to the office since the noise from their blabs had mellowed down. When I almost got at the threshold, my colleague; the one whom I share the office with, called up (he was almost shouting), I paused and tried to figure out where he was... (insert my name) I will be at the blah blah blah and blah blah blah, check the fridge I left blah blah blah. And I just said, Okay, thanks! (almost shouting as well so he could hear me). He was already at our reception area downstairs and will be out for some errands.

Then on to our office I continued stirring. And, oh they were still there, all the department heads. They stopped talking and were all STARING. AT. ME. It felt weird but glad I was able to say, Yep? Then they disappear to thin air. LOL. Nah, they all went out still blabbing.